Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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