Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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