i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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