it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize