Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize