Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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