Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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