South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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