I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
soo... how was my night?
Randomize