i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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