shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize