You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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