Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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