how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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