She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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