Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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