I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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