I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize