just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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