Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize