You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize