I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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