I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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