I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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