i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We got so high we made milksteak
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How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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