Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize