I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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