You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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