Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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