Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize