Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize