we have pet lesbian snakes
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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