I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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