You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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