he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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