Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize