do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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