Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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