my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
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The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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