The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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