i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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