he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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