I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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