My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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