dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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