DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize