Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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