I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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