i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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