I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
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Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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